A Bitter Pill to Swallow - Celebrating Failure

Alright.
I'll admit it.

Ms 4.0, Goody-two-shoes here has a secret.

I've failed this semester.

Okay okay okay-- slow down a second there!
I didn't mean I failed the entire semester! Heavens no!

I just...

Failed myself. 

So. When where why how?

I was upset with the grade I got on my first stats exam...
And then I was upset with my grade on the second exam, too.

Okay, they weren't the worst grades in the world. I passed and even got higher than the class average! If I work my butt off these next two weeks I can still get an A if I get a 90 on the final exam.

But at first, I felt like I had failed myself.

After seeing my first exam score, I was shredded inside! The course-- to me-- was (IS!) so difficult. I was determined to do better on the next exam. I started watching more of the lectures and asking my lab TA more questions. I studied and studied and...

I got the same score twice in a row.

I was disheartened. I contemplated dropping the class in order to save my 4.0. I contemplated pulling through and dealing with a 3.99 for the rest of my life.

But then I saw what I had gotten wrong on the exams. The first time, I had spent too much time focusing on the math portion of the exam I stumbled on the conceptual portion. The second time, I had done the opposite! I had made silly mistakes in the math that I should have noticed immediately.

So, what have I learned from this experience? Some highlights:
- Even if people say "it's an easy class, don't watch the lectures" -- you know yourself best, and if watching the lectures helps you, do it.
- Don't give up. I can still work hard to get an A for the class! I just have to believe in myself (and double check answers you think you did right!)
- Getting a 3.99 GPA is not the worst thing in the world. There is no point in dropping a class that you're not really going to fail. That's time-- and money.

Yes, failure is hard. And embarrassing.

I handle failure better sometimes than at other times. Sometimes I will be completely stressed out, emotional. Other times I feel "resigned" to my fate. And yet other times-- it makes me want to work harder and boosts my confidence.

I like the latter the best. I want to do well. I want to believe in myself. I want to succeed.

Sometimes though, you have to go to your lowest point in order to reach your highest potential.

I'm not sure how much this course has changed my perspective on failure. I do think, however, that I'd probably be more willing to take a bigger risk now than four months ago. If I don't try, I will never know the heights I can reach.

Let's Study!